If you want an April Fool’s Joke, then go to LetsRun.com as they have the wittiest Headline news that can actually pass for a real story!
I will not succumb to an April Fool’s Joke, like David Rudisha retiring (I hope that is a joke, really)
I remember when Charlie Francis and Mike Smith of EliteTrack.com posting similar stories of
shutting down their sites due to excessive bandwidth and server costs. They posted their joke a week before April 1, saying the site would close a week later. People fell for it, and they got really upset when they were fooled.
So no joke from me, but here are 5 TRUE stories about me. I hope you enjoy them.
1. I Beat Mike Conley in the Triple Jump in 1985
Arkansas was invited to a 4 way meet (quadrangular meet) in Sherbrooke, Quebec, along with Kansas, Western Canada and Eastern Canada. I was the Triple Jump representative for Eastern Canada. The difference between the American and Canadians triple jumpers was the take off board. The Canadians used the 11 meter board from the pit, and the Americans chose the 13 meter board. The scary part was the Americans’ “Step” almost landed in the pit!
In any case, Mike Conley of Arkansas scratched and had a DNS next to his name on the Official Results. I finished 4th that day (I don’t remember the distance) and this was the only time I ever had my name finishing higher than Mike Conley in the triple jump. I kept the paper copy of the results on my wall for the longest time as motivation, because, after all, anything goes!
At the time, Mike Conley won a Silver at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics and went on to win the Gold medal at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics. He still owns the U.S. indoor record in the triple jump at 17.76 meters. No pressure, Christian Taylor (wink wink)!
2. I was the Rolling Stones’ Charlie Watts’ Massage Therapist
Charlie Watts is the drummer for the Rolling Stones
. I was an Exercise Physiologist at an exclusive Montreal Hotel between 1987-1992 and the Stones were staying there while on tour. Watts had requested an in-room private massage, because he did not want to come down to the public area of the Gym & Spa.
Our massage therapist was a 4 foot 11 inch Vietnamese guy and was not able to carry the portable table to his room. So, being the biggest and strongest guy in the gym, I was asked to bring it up, and set it up.
When Rock Stars stay in the hotel, they do not check in with their real names, just in case you called the Front Desk and asked for them by name. So I had to greet him by his pseudo name, “Mr. Roll”. (He used Roche Roll as his pen name… get it? Rock & Roll?)
I set the table up, and waited for the real massage therapist to show up. He was late, and I actually considered giving Charlie Watts a sports massage (that’s all I knew at the time). I tell you, I would have worked on his posterior chain and he would have had the best drumming session ever.
But the massage therapist did show up, and I said goodbye to “Mr. Roll”. That was the end.
3. I was Rick Astley’s Personal Trainer
But only for a day.
Yes, the same Rick Astley that sings “Never Gonna Give You Up” and “Together Forever”.
Like the Charlie Watts’ story, I was an Exercise Physiologist and one of their hotel customers wanted a Personal Trainer to go through a full upper and lower body weight workout with a mixture of free weights and machines.
The funny part was Rick Astley’s REALLY FIT good looking blond girlfriend was also working out in the same room, but she was familiar with her routine and did her own thing without any assistance. Looking back today, she reminded me of Adrianne Palicki (the new Wonder Woman, go Google her if you don’t know), face and body.
I lost count of the number of guys trying to pick her up. And the whole time, Rick and I did our routine and he never flinched or showed any signs of jealousy. This guy had class, and he has a pretty good singing voice, too.
No, I didn’t get free tickets to his show, and I didn’t ask. It was against Hotel policy.
I hope he wasn’t too sore the next day. If so, sorry Rick, it takes 4-6 weeks to get used to a routine!
4. I was Anita Baker’s Body Guard
But only for 15 minutes.
Anita Baker is one classy lady of soul and Jazz is most famous for her album Rapture (yes, they were called albums back then. The CD industry killed the Vinyl industry overnight, and iTunes killed the CD industry)
I was working late at the Hotel, and a fight had broken out in one of the banquet halls of the hotel. All the security staff were summoned to a code “10-99”.
Meanwhile, I get a call from the front desk. Since I was the biggest Trainer on staff (I was bench pressing 300 lbs back then with a 30 inch vertical jump), they needed me to escort Ms. Baker from her limo from the back service entrance to her penthouse hotel suite. I can’t blame her. Look what happened to Connie Francis?
So I went down to the limo, and escorted her to her room. We chatted about Montreal, and how nice and friendly the city was EVEN IF YOU DON’T SPEAK FRENCH. I told her that the speed limits posted on the highway were just wild estimates. I mean, really, who drives 70 km/hr on the freeway? This is Montreal, city of tailgater’s and home of the best bagels and smoked meat in the world, though NYC is a close second.
If you look at her album cover, you’d think she was a tall 5 foot 10 inch lady. But in reality, she was barely 5 feet tall.
No, I didn’t get free tickets to her show nor did I get asked into her room, in case you were curious. Anita is one classy lady. Always has and always will be. I love her music, even today.
5. I was the Scorpion’s Francis Buchholz Exercise Physiologist
Francis Buchholz is the bass player for the Scorpions. They were in town touring their album “Wind of Change”.
A hotel client made a 9:00 am appointment on a weekend for a full body fat test, VO2 max test, nutritional analysis and a complete workout program.
When I give a program, I ask the 3 big questions:
1. What are your goals?
2. How many days a week can you work out?
3. How long can you work out for?
Based on those 3 answers, I can give a realistic expectation on how long it will take you to reach your goal.
Anyways, this chap comes in… a tall frail looking German with long hair. His English was exceptionally good.
He says, “Mr. Lee, you know, I need to start taking better care of myself. My job takes me on the road a lot, I work late nights, and after work I have a couple of drinks with my buddies to unwind. Can you help me?”.
“I’d like a workout program, and some tips on eating better, especially on the road.”
He never mentions once he is a rock star. He was so humble about his fame and I presume his fortune.
I can’t give details on my answers (part of the client privacy disclosure) but I can say he had a very good VO2 max based on a treadmill stress test. Either he is fit from performing on stage, or VO2 max is genetic. Let’s argue those points at a later article.
Like the above 4 incidents, I didn’t get free tickets to his show.
Conclusion
These are all TRUE stories, and there are lots more, right Claude Bastien? But I pride on keeping this site family friendly, so we can’t share ALL the stories.
Leave a Reply